I think I sleep too late nowadays. People says that lack of sleep will make one's emotion and pressure bearing limit go down. I feel depressed. This is not good. Really not good...
You said it's better to call you late evenings. (I will)
You said that you'll see if you can come sometime soon. (I look forward)
You said you are not mushy, so you don't miss me. (I knew I shouldn't ask)
You seems to be in a good mood. That's good.
I wish I can chase away that insecure feeling of mines. I wish I never went back there. So I must be very happy now with your text. I shouldn't go back there. Now I'm tasting the bitter fruit of the truth... Cannot return to Garden of Eden again... The once naive me... when can I get her back? I shouldn't find out, should just sit and wait... like a doll.
You seems to be glad that I miss you a lot. Is that why you said you don't miss me? To let me feel hanging? I look forward for you to come, yet I feel sad... Cuz I don't know when will you come... I feel like crying, but my tear wont appear. I used to cry a lot, but not nowadays. I feel like hiding into unknown space, but I don't want that when you look for me, you can't find me. I miss you terribly. I mean really terribly. Obsessed can be used as a word. I'm trying to hold myself down. I feel suffocate in this stagnant situation. I want to run away... or break it... I even fear to eat lunch early, in case you should decide to come, at least I can let you enjoy it.
This wait and what went on had gave me too much impact. I should just smile and be positive. But til you remove those walls between us, I guess I can never feel ease. I can never feel secure that you are mines too... I feel like I am an idiot. But I'm happy to be an idiot when I'm with you. Sad too. I think I am an idiot when it comes to love.... I'm just hopeless...
I don't want to be in this relationship alone... Where are you...?
I should trust you, I really should. I should listen to you, stop "stalking" you and find out the truth. I want to make you happy. But how can I when I'm feeling sad? I'm breaking down. I'm falling deep. I'm afraid. Please catch me.
How many times must I tell you that you have to face the truth? You've been hiding from the truth ... you are not happy now, so dont expect that you will be happy when you pile up those ugly truth! FACE THEM AND DEAL WITH THEM! Unless you are masochistic!? I hope you are not. Will send you to hospital before it gets worse. I am in no position to tell you anything cuz even myself seems to be avoiding truth cuz we dont like PAIN. But, you know what, I am trying to ignore all those emotions! BLOCK THEM WOMAN! A man will love you when you learn to love yourself! From experience, woman with confidence are popularly adored! Keep this in your head and stop being pathetic ... cry wa make you blind ~
ReplyDeleteYou know what... hiding and blocking are similar, just different attitude. But maybe it's the attitude that matters. I think there is a possibility that I wa get send da hospital one da these days~ ha ha ha.... Hiding make I feel pathetic. And I'm not good at suppress my emotion... sigh. I need to learn from you...
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