sigh

I think I am a spare...

again... ha
Though I feel sad, my tears wont even come out...
I sit like a status, my mind far far gone.


Sitting alone on the varanda,
I gaze at a star lightyears away.
Through distance and time, I'm able to see it, tonight.
If I persist like the star, will you finally see me one day?

[How if you don't ever see me...?]


Maybe you're trying to protect me like this. So I don't feel worry. (Or maybe spare should just be innocent so if you get to me, then there is no need for explaination?) I want to be naive. I don't want to see the truth... If I can, I want you to spoil me and make me live without worry but loving you. But have you ever thought, how if I find out one day? Like now. Wont that be worse? I thought my heart had shattered, you prove that damage can still be done.

But I know what that feels like. You're holding on the chances to get her back. If you let people know about us, if she got to hear about me, then your chance is gone, maybe. Just like I holding onto myself, after you had left. That I know if I get with someone else, then that draws an end to the fantasy to be with you. I know that sad feeling. You hang on there, for her... for her to turn back and give you a smile, and telling you what you want to hear the most... while I hold myself here for you. Pitty that we are the same, to an extend.

I won't say anything about this, cuz I shouldn't know. I'm not deceiving. I'm just trying put myself together, pretend unknown and unharmed, so that I can still wait for you. So that you can believe you made me as happy as you can. So that I can keep on smiling for you.


Funny that we always wait for someone we can't get, while there's someone waiting for us. I can pretty much understand that...

Yet nevertheless, I still hope you get what you want, even if I'm not the person... I still want you to be happy... I don't like to see you feeling down, and sad... like this.... It tears me apart, and confused. You still have me, you know... only if you can see me waiting right here... Hope to see your smile soon....:)