Self Meditating...

om..... (Should I light an incense?)

It's okay... It's okay...
I will hold no grudge against anyone...
No one worth my anger...

I'm fine... I'm fine...
It will not influence me anymore...
Just let things pass and I know...

When I let go, let go...
It shall not get hurt again...
Cuz I learned my lesson, and I move on...

It's okay... It's okay...
No one worth my anger...
No one worth allowed the privilege to influence my inner peace...
No one worth it... not to mention those that had hurt me...


[We're not even friends.]

Today... I found my courage to draw a full stop...  I don't know if it meant much for the others, but it meant a lot to me... It's hard, so very hard to let go someone once loved so much.  They say time can cure all, and I've been through that, so I know this heart breaking feeling will go away one day... and I look forward for the day that it never return again... maybe after I died?

But it's good to find courage...  Like I finally achieve something...  Tho I'm never a strong person, and I hate been hurt... but it's good to know that I am growing...

Yet

Life always have a way to slap your face a time or two... or three.  I thought we will never meet.  After all, we've never accidentally meet each other while we were together... never know this will happen right after I draw my full stop.


I was firstly surprise to see you...  I don't know what to react and my mind went blank...  Guess it was a bit awkward.  Yet awkward is sometimes normal, after what had went through.

At least you are alive, and looking fine as usual, I thought... and then I can't stop my tears from falling through the cracks of my heart into the eyes that I've cried over you earlier...  I thought I am stronger.  I thought I am fine too.  I thought I will never see you again.  It caught me at sudden...  And it just smashed on something that had just shattered, now into dust.  This is so cruel...

It's therapeutic to write... yet my head hurts so much that it feels like bursting...

I've cried this hard for you for so many times, guess it's enough.  If I owed you a liter of tears, I guess I've paid my debt with interest.  And I am tired of crying for you...  I will stop soon.  And I hope that I don't need to cry over someone else...


I gotta be strong... tho I never want to have to...

I will find my someone someday... and even if not, it's better than stay with the wrong one...  Yes, you happen to prove yourself the wrong one...


Babe... I loved you so much...  but now I can only smile to you like a stranger...  or else my tears will fall again.  Maybe I'm a coward or maybe I just don't want to get hurt over something that had been done.  I don't even want to hear a reason, if there is any, because knowing that won't change the result.  And you seems not to bother about it... I guess that's it...

I loved you.  But I know, you've never loved me, so... you had to go...

I love myself... and I know, you don't love me, so... I am moving on...

It's easier said than done...  maybe that's why my I feel so hurt now...
But I know one day, I will share happier moments with someone else... and my feeling for you will be hidden so deeply, that I wont even remember to feel it...  By then, I forget about you...
or... I'll enjoy my single life as never before.


Until then, maybe I can put up a real smile when we meet again...  or maybe it's better if we don't ever meet again...



[Can I cut out my senses and never wake up?]



........... Geez... My eyes are so going to swell up tomorrow... and I am going to City to get a pair of new eyeglass...  I hope this wont influence my prescription of my lens... Stupid love.

Letting Go...

LETTING GO 
蔡健雅 (Tanya)

作詞：蔡健雅 (Lyric by: Tanya)
作曲：蔡健雅 (Music by: Tanya)


這是一封離別信 (This is a farewell letter)
寫下我該離開的原因 (Writing down the reasons that I should leave)
我在你生命中扮演的角色 (The role I play in your life)
太模糊了 (is too blur)
你對我常忽冷忽熱 (You put me in constant hot and cold)
我到底是情人還是朋友 (Should I be lover or friend)
愛你是否不該太認真 (Should I not love you too serious)
That's why

I'm letting go
我終於捨得為你放開手 (Finally, I am willing to let go my hand for you)
因為愛你愛到我心痛 (Because loving you makes me hurt)
但你卻不懂 (But you don't understand)
I'm letting go
你對一切都軟弱與怠惰 (You've been weak and lazy in everything)
讓人懷疑你是否愛過我 (Letting people doubt if you really loved me)
真的愛過我 (really loved me)
為你再也找不到藉口 (Cannot find excuses for you anymore)
That's when we should let it go

你是呼吸的空氣 (You are the air in each breathe)
脫離不了的地心引力 (The gravity that I can't escape)
你在我生命中曾經是我 存在的原因 (In my life, you were the reason that I exist)
或許就像他們說 (Maybe just like what they said)
愛情只會讓人變愚蠢 (Love will only make one a fool)
自作多情愛的太天真 (unrequited naively in love)
that's why

I'm letting go我終於捨得為你放開手 (Finally, I am willing to let go my hand for you)
因為愛你愛到我心痛 (Because loving you makes me hurt)
但你卻不懂 (But you don't understand)
I'm letting go
你對一切都軟弱與怠惰 (You've been weak and lazy in everything)
讓人懷疑你是否愛過我 (Letting people doubt if you really loved me)
真的愛過我 (really loved me)
為你再也找不到藉口 (Cannot find excuses for you anymore)
That's when we should let it go

在夜深人靜裡想著 (Pondering in deep silent night)
心不安卻越沸騰 (unease heart boiling)
我無助　好想哭 (I'm helpless, and so want to cry)
我找不到退路 (I cannot find a way to retrieve)
在夜深人靜裡寫著 (Writing in deep silent night)
心慢慢就熱變冷 (My gradually heart turns cold from hot)
我不恨　也不哭 (I don't hate, and don't cry)
我的眼淚早已哭乾了 (I've already weeped my tears dry)

Coz I'm letting go我終於捨得為你放開手 (Finally, I am willing to let go my hand for you)
因為愛你愛到我心痛 (Because loving you makes me hurt)
但你卻不懂 (But you don't understand)
I'm letting go
你對一切都軟弱與怠惰 (You've been weak and lazy in everything)
讓人懷疑你是否愛過我 (Letting people doubt if you really loved me)
真的愛過我 (really loved me)
為你再也找不到藉口 (Cannot find excuses for you anymore)
That's when we should let it go
We should let it go
We should let it go

[I need just a little more courage...]

你是你的 (You Are Yours)

弦子 (Singer: Xianzi)
詞曲：深白色 (Lyric and music by: Dark white)

愛你愛的多忐忑 (Loving you is perturbed)
想想你似乎也從不曉得 (To think about it, you don't seems to know about it either)
翻開了舊日的相冊 (Open the album from the past)
才發現你的表情並不深刻 (just found out that your expression was never vivid)

愛你愛的多苦澀 (Loving you is bitter)
卻沒想過到底值不值得 (Never thought whether it is worthwhile or not)
當你就這樣說不要了 (When you simply said that you don't want it anymore)
我突然明白了遊戲裡的角色 (I suddenly realize the role (I) played in the game)

你要你的快樂 (You want your happiness)
你選擇你的選擇 (You choose your choice)
我只是個陪你瘋了一場短暫狂歡的過客 (I was only a passenger that accompanied your craziness in a temporary carnival)

你要你的快樂 (You want your happiness)
你是絕對自由的 (You are absolutely free)
我只能在你離開後 (It's only after you've left that I)
發現你從來不是我的 (discover that you were never mine)

在我為你付出一切之後 (After giving you my all)
發現你是你自己的 (I discover that you belong to yourself)

[Found out my role in your game... What else can I do but to leave?]

天真

I don't know why I always end up feeling like this...  There must be something wrong with me...
I am so tired... so tired of feeling this way...


天真 (Innocence)

弦子 (Singer: Xianzi)

作詞：劉小愛、深白色
作曲：林冠權

回憶還是溫熱的 (Memories are still warm)
但承諾 已經冷卻了 (But promises are already cold)
我的天真 在淚水裡沉淪 (My innocence sinks in my tears)
孤獨它讓我無法負荷 (loneliness makes me unbearable)

不用假裝還愛著 (Don't need to pretend to be still in love)
捨不得 還是放開了 (Reluctantly, still let go)
我的天真 早就碎成遍地的忐忑 (My innocence had long shattered into pieces of confusion on the floor)
失去了所有顏色 (Lost all its color)

這次我真的痛了 真的徹底醒了 (This time, I'm really hurt.  Really totally awoke)
我試著灑脫 換來的只是傷痕 (I tried to free-hearted, in turn I got only scars)
我愛到痛了 你卻留下我一個人 (I love until I'm hurt, and you left me alone)
埋葬我的天真 (Buried away my innocence)

還能夠說些什麼 (What else can be said)
當快樂 已經掏空了 (If happiness is already emptied)
我的天真 早就碎成遍地的忐忑 (My innocence had long shattered into pieces of confusion on the floor)
努力拼湊著 卻再也無法完整 (It can never be completed even with effort to put it together)

這次我真的痛了 真的徹底醒了 (This time, I'm really hurt.  Really totally awoke)
我試著灑脫 換來的只是傷痕 (I tried to free-hearted, in turn I got only scars)
我愛到痛了 你卻留下我一個人(I love until I'm hurt, and you left me alone)
埋葬我的天真 (Buried away my innocence)

我哭的累了 沒有夢是好的 (I cried until I'm tired.  It's good not to have dream)
別再說愛我 你給的全是悔恨 (Don't say you love me.  All you give was regrets)
我愛到痛了 你卻留下我一個人 (I loved until I'm hurt, and you left me alone)
埋葬我的天真 (Buried away my innocence)


[Wasn't my innocence long shattered along with my heart?  Why do they need to heal in the first place, if it'll just shattered again...?]