There is an all day workshop today. So, I'm not in my office but by the Jaguar building. You text me saying that you were in my office, but I weren't there. Jeez! I can feel that my blood went up to my head all of a sudden. I so want to see you so I wanted to go over that same instance to meet you. But apparently you didnt have phone with you, and when you text me you're back in your office already. I just can't stop feeling wanting to say danm danm danm~~ I so wish I were there!!! I'm glad that you dropped by, it means that you remember me. I'm happy about that~ but on the other hand, I didn't get to see you and it feels soooooo let-down~~~ >
Then I saw that you update more things about her earlier. You were depressed. You so want to win her right... just like how I so want to win you. Then I started to wander... will you be happy with me... I want you to be happy. I want you to be with me... but will I be able to give you the happiness that you deserve or been looking for. It feels so contradicting, really. That I want to have you, but I don't know if I can make you happy the way you should be... maybe the way that you should have if you were with her... I feel lost.. and I feel sad.
After distributing lunch and finished my own. I feel so bored and want to run away from that not-so-encouraging thought. So I drop by Mr. Rabbani's office. Hadn't chat with him for a long time, still funny as usual. Yet I still can't help it but thought, hey, he knows about you. He is your good friend. How you two might have interact, will it be similar like how we chit chat fool fool? Just can't stop thinking about you. And Angie hadn't see him for a long time, so she say she gonna pass by something next week for a visit. Ha~ Mr. Rabbani got surprised by how fast Angie and I text each other. Finally, he had to left, so no more killing time in his office, back to upstairs by the workshop, linger around. Then you text me!!!! That you'll come over. OMG~ So I hurry return to my office.
I found a note that you left earlier, saying that you were there but I were out. Em, sir... how am I going to know who left this note if you didn't even left an initial? And I've never seen you write before? LOL~ You came. There're lecturers coming in and out of the office. Can't do anything much. But we got to chat a lil, kiss a lot, hug quite a few... I like to be in your arm and lay my upper body by your chest. It feels good~ like a sofa... ha ha... well that's a part. But the main part is that I'm with you. You have a strawberry scent do you know? You have flu, I knew that, but we kissed regardless. You look tired, and kept on closing your eyes from time to time. You've all kinds of different messages going into your phone, mainly from work. Though you looks happy, but you've that sadness hiding at the back of your eyes, I can see that. So wish I can wipe it away, but I know only time can do that. You looked at my lucky band I made with our initials, asking if anyone asked what it means. Well, ppl did ask I just didn't say what it means. Only Angie knows it. I wish I can spell it out for them. Letting closer friends know that I'm with you. That I'm yours. Or rather, I want to be yours, and want that you only have me. But since you're just dropping by, and there's many ppl around, and it seems that people from your office need that vehicle you drove, so you have to go. I managed to hold you back just for a lil longer. I so don't want to let you go, cuz I don't know when will we meet again. I always ask when can I see you again. You always say you don't know. I know it's true tho. Though we're in the same city, but we're both working. Expecially that you work through lunch, there's really not much time... I understand. But at least I bargained for a vamp. =P Now I've something to remind me that I was with you, and not thinking that I might be dreaming. Time spend with you flies, hope that I can hold it back a lil. But I feel so sweet, so so sweet. And I just can't stop smiling while thinking about you. I keep that lil note you left earlier in my purse. Something from you is like a treasure, it seems. I even dated it... how crazy!
Rest of the evening was quite quite busy... Night. Saw that you wanted to go out with her... It pulls my hyper mood lower. Feeling a lil sad again. Cuz I know you wants to be with her. I sigh with you. I wish you know what I feel for you... I wish you love me too. But feeling is a part of our free-will. I think you know what I feel for you. And I think you're doing quite fine when I'm with you. Only if I hadn't find out that your twitter somehow got opened again and I can't help but check it so often. You do well, disregarding that part. Maybe you open it for her. Hoping that she'll see it one day and be touched. Just like how I open this blog and my twitter. Hoping that one day you will see what I want to tell you. Too much tho.. too much, cuz I thought of you too often... We're on similar boat don't we...
Anyways, after the idling of guarding and waiting people to come and get their lunch box, I came out with a conclusion of the day. (Say of the day cuz I got too much conclusions...) I want you. Whether if your priority is me or not, I want you. So, I'll just wait for you. And if you eventually stay with me, then that's a good ending for me. Angie says to let me be your guardian angel. Yes I will wait and think of you always.
Somehow when I types this entry, another thought comes to me. I process my thoughts while I type...
I want you to love me. But what have I done for you? What have I done that I deserve your loving me that I seek? Guess I need to find ways to express my feeling, or do something for you... if it aint of a bother.
Tell the truth. If it weren't that I found out about her, you're doing well and making me feel good and sweet. I can see the reason why you don't want me to see... I'll pretend that I didn't see anything. And hopefully you wont know if you don't happen to find out about this blog and twitter. But there's never a secret... babe, if you ever found out about this... please don't get angry... >< I really didn't meant to stalk you... Just want to know what you feel and what you're up to... And if there will ever be one day that you will actually mention about me... And babe... I was so tempted to tell you I love you today. But I guess I will wait... or until you tell me that you love me... if I weren't dreaming.
Tonight, I shall sleep well with the memory of your visiting today.
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