I believe that there is always a good reason behind everything that had happened. So I look forward to understand the hidden reasons which I don't see today.
[Help me to see the reason why... and hopefully I can understand...]
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
My Mr. Right
As mentioned earlier, it seems that my Mr. Right had not appear yet, including those with embedded potentials. These days, I've been experiencing unsatisfactory about my life, and somehow it triggers something that allow me to see clearer what I want and seek for in life. Of course, there are so many aspects of life, love is just one of them, yet a big one to me. So let me talk about the qualities that I seek for from my Mr. Right. People said, there is always someone for somebody. Wander where my one is...
1. Intelligent - I ADORE those people with professional attitude and with a lot of knowledge and life experience. Not a book worm, but someone that is able to open my horizon, help me to see a more holistic picture of world and live balance life. It's good to be successful in life, but I don't need one that is super successful, because it is a trend that those super successful people are often too busy for their family. I want someone that I can learn from, and explore new possibilities in life with. Also, I cannot stand those that behave ignorant or unreasonable, so it is very important for me to be able to have good communication and not to always trying to tolerate nonsense too much. And I believe that I have a fair amount of tolerance, just ask Angie.
2. Confident - A confident person attracts to me as they shine in the crowd to be unique. And this does not consist of arrogant. A real confident person, will be able to maintain his confidence in a respectful manner, and not by looking down at another or boasting. To be honest, I am not a very confident person, but I am working toward it.
3. Mature - I cannot stand immature behaviors and thinking. Personally, I grow up in a rigid family, and should be well aware of the consequence of doing things, and also proper manners and behaviors in life. I like those people that are young at heart, I myself feel like one most of the time. But young at heart doesn't means to do reckless things and to hurt another for my own pleasure. Maturity to me also means to be able to keep calm when incidents hit us in life. I am a emotional person, and I usually go quite extreme to either end, except the emotion of anger, I still don't know how to express it. So I definitely need someone to hold me before I hurt myself with extreme emotion. I deem myself to be a reasonable person, so if one try to talk to me and try to persuade me with logical thinking, I may not able to accept it at that instance, but I will really start to ease my tension and try to cool down. I think this is also for the better for my children later on, so that they can have a balanced life.
4. Genuinely good - I am a person that love peace at mind. Tho sometimes I enjoy excitement, but I prefer constant simplicity of happiness than taking the boat ride in emotion. I love live and living beings, not all to be honest. I am a vegetarian, because I don't want for life to be taken away from another animal for my own survival or pleasure. And I LOVE veggies, so I am quite happy with my diet. So I hope the person that I am with can understand my mentality with food. I don't really know how to describe a good person, but it is someone that is kind, friendly, and respect other people. I believe, with respect, the world can reach harmony... maybe.
5. Well groomed - Well groomed doesn't mean a perfect body or brandy clothing from head to toe. It means know how to maintain a good personal hygiene. It also means to know what kind of cloth suits the body he has. I don't usually buy clothes, because I always get second handed clothes from my cousins. Some suit me, some don't. I can't say that I know exactly what looks good on me, but I really doesn't like seeing someone with clothes that makes me speechless.
6. Caring - I NEED a man that cares about me. Without caring, the above mentioned points are mere bull shit. Or should I say, that quality man is for someone lucky out there. Those that care about you will not want to hurt you, will protect you reasonably, will trust in you, will want to make you happy, and will also take care of themselves because they know how important they are in your life. One that cares about you will want to make you happy, through ways or strategy to put a smile onto your face. One that cares about you will care about your body and mind. He will be there when you need them, in sickness and sadness, either personally, or at least via other media and technology. One that cares about you will care about your life and environment, and want to participate in your life. He will want to meet your other friends and family so to know you better. And also introduce his so that you can know him better. And also make you be so proud of him because he is there in your important events in life. One that cares about you will contact you at a regular basis, so that you two can know recent updates in each others life, and also knowing that you will be worried about him after a long absence of contact. One that cares about you will not cheat on you and do you harm. He will know quite well at least the things not to do, because you will be sad, disappointed and even cry. One that cares about you will have you on his mind, constantly. Not saying to neglect the other things in life, but in a daily basis, just thought of you without conscious about it. One that cares about you will correct you when you are wrong in a harmony manner, and praise you when you are right, a smile and a few words are enough. One that cares about you and want to have a future with you will make regular communication with you, and work with your towards a better life together.
Notice that I had not use "me" as the subject here. Although this is what I deem as some behaviors that shows caring. I dare not to think too much of it, because it just simply shows how much I don't have.
I don't know if I am asking too much in life... or too little? But as for right now, a person with the above characteristics, should be very close to what I deemed is my Mr. Right.
[Mr. Right, where art thou? or... when will you become my Mr. Right?]
1. Intelligent - I ADORE those people with professional attitude and with a lot of knowledge and life experience. Not a book worm, but someone that is able to open my horizon, help me to see a more holistic picture of world and live balance life. It's good to be successful in life, but I don't need one that is super successful, because it is a trend that those super successful people are often too busy for their family. I want someone that I can learn from, and explore new possibilities in life with. Also, I cannot stand those that behave ignorant or unreasonable, so it is very important for me to be able to have good communication and not to always trying to tolerate nonsense too much. And I believe that I have a fair amount of tolerance, just ask Angie.
2. Confident - A confident person attracts to me as they shine in the crowd to be unique. And this does not consist of arrogant. A real confident person, will be able to maintain his confidence in a respectful manner, and not by looking down at another or boasting. To be honest, I am not a very confident person, but I am working toward it.
3. Mature - I cannot stand immature behaviors and thinking. Personally, I grow up in a rigid family, and should be well aware of the consequence of doing things, and also proper manners and behaviors in life. I like those people that are young at heart, I myself feel like one most of the time. But young at heart doesn't means to do reckless things and to hurt another for my own pleasure. Maturity to me also means to be able to keep calm when incidents hit us in life. I am a emotional person, and I usually go quite extreme to either end, except the emotion of anger, I still don't know how to express it. So I definitely need someone to hold me before I hurt myself with extreme emotion. I deem myself to be a reasonable person, so if one try to talk to me and try to persuade me with logical thinking, I may not able to accept it at that instance, but I will really start to ease my tension and try to cool down. I think this is also for the better for my children later on, so that they can have a balanced life.
4. Genuinely good - I am a person that love peace at mind. Tho sometimes I enjoy excitement, but I prefer constant simplicity of happiness than taking the boat ride in emotion. I love live and living beings, not all to be honest. I am a vegetarian, because I don't want for life to be taken away from another animal for my own survival or pleasure. And I LOVE veggies, so I am quite happy with my diet. So I hope the person that I am with can understand my mentality with food. I don't really know how to describe a good person, but it is someone that is kind, friendly, and respect other people. I believe, with respect, the world can reach harmony... maybe.
5. Well groomed - Well groomed doesn't mean a perfect body or brandy clothing from head to toe. It means know how to maintain a good personal hygiene. It also means to know what kind of cloth suits the body he has. I don't usually buy clothes, because I always get second handed clothes from my cousins. Some suit me, some don't. I can't say that I know exactly what looks good on me, but I really doesn't like seeing someone with clothes that makes me speechless.
6. Caring - I NEED a man that cares about me. Without caring, the above mentioned points are mere bull shit. Or should I say, that quality man is for someone lucky out there. Those that care about you will not want to hurt you, will protect you reasonably, will trust in you, will want to make you happy, and will also take care of themselves because they know how important they are in your life. One that cares about you will want to make you happy, through ways or strategy to put a smile onto your face. One that cares about you will care about your body and mind. He will be there when you need them, in sickness and sadness, either personally, or at least via other media and technology. One that cares about you will care about your life and environment, and want to participate in your life. He will want to meet your other friends and family so to know you better. And also introduce his so that you can know him better. And also make you be so proud of him because he is there in your important events in life. One that cares about you will contact you at a regular basis, so that you two can know recent updates in each others life, and also knowing that you will be worried about him after a long absence of contact. One that cares about you will not cheat on you and do you harm. He will know quite well at least the things not to do, because you will be sad, disappointed and even cry. One that cares about you will have you on his mind, constantly. Not saying to neglect the other things in life, but in a daily basis, just thought of you without conscious about it. One that cares about you will correct you when you are wrong in a harmony manner, and praise you when you are right, a smile and a few words are enough. One that cares about you and want to have a future with you will make regular communication with you, and work with your towards a better life together.
Notice that I had not use "me" as the subject here. Although this is what I deem as some behaviors that shows caring. I dare not to think too much of it, because it just simply shows how much I don't have.
I don't know if I am asking too much in life... or too little? But as for right now, a person with the above characteristics, should be very close to what I deemed is my Mr. Right.
[Mr. Right, where art thou? or... when will you become my Mr. Right?]
Monday, April 9, 2012
Just a little about myself in regard to emotion.
I'm not a person that talks a lot... er... maybe sometimes. Ok... I'm not a person that talks much about myself... er... maybe with Angie. Alright... let me put it this way... I'm not a person that can express my negative emotion quite well. Personally, I believe it's lack of training. Because I know, in negative emotions, people usually say words that cruelly hurts one another. So whenever I'm in negative situations, I tried to encourage myself with positive thoughts. So, whenever this negative situation is out of my hand, or I cannot longer make myself feel content and accept the situation that I am in, I panic, which is worse. That's why I said that it's in lack of training. For example, whenever my brother quarrel with me, I got speechless and felt so bad that I usually end up in tears. Gladly that doesn't happen very frequently, and whenever it happens it just goes very fast. After all, we are family, and we know quite well that no one meant harm to another. Yet I wander if I should practice quarreling more... = =.... better not then...
In regard to love, I find myself quite stupid. Don't learn my lesson. I always deem that my love is tolerance and giving. But when I cannot tolerate anymore or got tired of giving and not getting back anything, I got mad yet don't know how to express myself. And then I find out, again, that my love is not as great as how I thought it to be, tho I wanted to. People said that the ones make you cry does not worth your tears, and the one that worth it will not make you cry. If that is true, then I certain had not met the right person, cuz all of my bfs made me cry. And people said again that the one that can handle you at your worst is the one that deserve you at your best. People said, dared to love then dared to hate. I know many great quotes about love, and I constantly find myself giving advise to Angie, yet I can't help myself. These wise quotes that I so very believe in are just on paper for me. I had not live it yet. I am a hypocrite. I just can't find myself dwell in the emotion of hatery for too long, especially to those that I once loved.
I am still learning on the path of relationship. I find myself stumbling, yet I keep on walking. I believe, one day, the one meant to be will appear. And if I am so unfortunate that I don't have my one meant to be, at least I can said that I tried. I am a lonely person. I have a lot of acquaintances, a lot of friends, and very few close friends. I don't wish to be lonely, yet most of the time I found myself lonely, or feeling lonely.
People said that I am a happy person. Yet how do they know that I am just trying to be happy as much as I can, that I am actually a negative person who tries very hard to keep positive. I tend to utilize withdrawal method when dealing with extreme negative emotions such as anger and sadness, and that makes me wander if I have a heart sometimes. For example, during all the proceeding of cultural ceremonies during my grandfather's death, many times I feel as if I am watching myself from somewhere in my heart. I shut down my emotion so to keep my sanity, cuz I know, and I had experienced it, that if I let out my emotion, that it's too much, I will collapse. So, sometimes, I behave calmly and try to cheer people up, so to run away my pain. I don't know if I am normal. Do I have a heart? yes I do...
I don't like to find myself writing. Cuz I usually write in bad moods to express all the words that had been lying inside my hearts, yet usually when I started typing, I forgot what I really wanted to say. But the end result is that after I finish, I feel relieved.
I am feeling quite calm right now... I think maybe it's another withdrawal from sadness. I think God is trying to teach me that extreme emotion is not good for my body and heart. There are so much lying in my heart that I just hope one day I can be released from the load... Maybe when I am dead. Now, death doesn't sound too bad either.
In regard to love, I find myself quite stupid. Don't learn my lesson. I always deem that my love is tolerance and giving. But when I cannot tolerate anymore or got tired of giving and not getting back anything, I got mad yet don't know how to express myself. And then I find out, again, that my love is not as great as how I thought it to be, tho I wanted to. People said that the ones make you cry does not worth your tears, and the one that worth it will not make you cry. If that is true, then I certain had not met the right person, cuz all of my bfs made me cry. And people said again that the one that can handle you at your worst is the one that deserve you at your best. People said, dared to love then dared to hate. I know many great quotes about love, and I constantly find myself giving advise to Angie, yet I can't help myself. These wise quotes that I so very believe in are just on paper for me. I had not live it yet. I am a hypocrite. I just can't find myself dwell in the emotion of hatery for too long, especially to those that I once loved.
I am still learning on the path of relationship. I find myself stumbling, yet I keep on walking. I believe, one day, the one meant to be will appear. And if I am so unfortunate that I don't have my one meant to be, at least I can said that I tried. I am a lonely person. I have a lot of acquaintances, a lot of friends, and very few close friends. I don't wish to be lonely, yet most of the time I found myself lonely, or feeling lonely.
People said that I am a happy person. Yet how do they know that I am just trying to be happy as much as I can, that I am actually a negative person who tries very hard to keep positive. I tend to utilize withdrawal method when dealing with extreme negative emotions such as anger and sadness, and that makes me wander if I have a heart sometimes. For example, during all the proceeding of cultural ceremonies during my grandfather's death, many times I feel as if I am watching myself from somewhere in my heart. I shut down my emotion so to keep my sanity, cuz I know, and I had experienced it, that if I let out my emotion, that it's too much, I will collapse. So, sometimes, I behave calmly and try to cheer people up, so to run away my pain. I don't know if I am normal. Do I have a heart? yes I do...
I don't like to find myself writing. Cuz I usually write in bad moods to express all the words that had been lying inside my hearts, yet usually when I started typing, I forgot what I really wanted to say. But the end result is that after I finish, I feel relieved.
I am feeling quite calm right now... I think maybe it's another withdrawal from sadness. I think God is trying to teach me that extreme emotion is not good for my body and heart. There are so much lying in my heart that I just hope one day I can be released from the load... Maybe when I am dead. Now, death doesn't sound too bad either.
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