=)

Had a good sleep last night.
It's such a nice feeling to fall asleep when someone made you smile even when you're lying alone by yourself.  And even possible in your dream.  Ha~~ And that person is you.  Hope one day I can really wake up beside you.  I know Angie will use the expression that I'll be "so happy that I can almost die"~ (In Mandarin we only need 2 words to express the term...)  Ha~ I love my random day-dreams.

You are your usual self, a bit cold.  But I think that is fine.  I hope this hype mode and good feeling last for a while on me~  Babe, you can get as much affection as you want from me~  I think I let you know that I love you... >///<...  Anyways, since future is not guaranteed, and since there may not be a tomorrow for us, I'll just give you my affection as much as I go along everyday.  So I wont have regret that I hadn't let you know my feelings.  So that I can hold on to the fleeting time we have, and make it a blast, at least for me.  And who knows, maybe you'll feel more for me after time.  The idea of be with you made me happy.  I appreciate your present in my life.  I love you~ I love you!!

breaking

I think I just made myself your toy... I am yours.... for now

I can feel myself... breaking down... piece by piece... endless

Risk I am taking... might as well let me lost myself...

Heading to self destruction...?

I wonder if I love you too much... that I don't love myself anymore...
...
......
.........
Maybe it's not as bad as I thought...

You're my boyfriend again.  That's all I need to know.

I am able to enjoy watching your pictures and smile to myself... =)

Afterall, I do love myself.  Cuz simply knowing that I'm with you makes me happy...

...

[Why do I need to wake up...] so maybe there is a chance for the endless tomorrow...?
I tried to hold back, and managed keep away from most of our memories, yet tears drop on my pillow.  One after the other.  My face was emotionless, but my tears tell everything.

The other hard part is to wake up in the morning the next day, which in this case is today.  I need to hide my swollen eyes and act normal as I would in my regular days, both at home and at work.  If I live alone then I wouldn't need to face something like this, and I can call in sick... emotionally hurt could do for the excuse...  Anyways, that is why I wouldn't cry all out... save troubles for the next day.  And my dignity... I will not allow it to be stepped upon.  I choose to be with you no matter what other people says, tho rarely anyone know about it.  So, when I'm hurt, I have no right to turn to my family and friend and seek for a shoulder to cry on, and ask for comfort.  When you don't take advice from someone, you loose the right to break in front of them when things go as they've warned...  And I will not give in... as I did... to save a relationship.  I've did it once, it didn't work... wont happen again... wont... wont...

I'm glad you still like me tho...  At least... at least... That is like a fire that don't want to be extinguished.  Where do this lead to...  I'm not certain how this friendship thinging will work out...  Maybe I will try to gain back my weight a few weeks from now... cuz I don't have appetite, I only want to vomit...

It's over...

It hurts...
It hurts to not allowing myself to feel the pain I have hidden...
It hurts to know that I had mask my feeling and run away from it... just so that those around me wont be worrying.
I force back my tears, though some slipped through...  My heart is like a bomb now...  Don't push further.
I wish I can have a day off from the mask... and cry my guts out til I got lost of myself and don't need to answer any question why I'd do that... I want to get tears wasted...

......

I dreamt about you this morning.  That we two got engaged and you gave me a purple ear-ring.  Yes one ear-ring... I woke up this morning... have that feeling that something will happen today...  I forgot my cell-phone home.  The day went through quite ok.  I even drew us when I was bored in a meeting...  Somehow I have a good feeling... even without my cellphone.  Get back home almost 6.  One missed called and one unread message.  The message was from you.  Got me excited as I open the text.  I changed my cloth, realized afterward that it made the same suit when I return from our first date.  the conversation leads to a rather serious one...  No arguing, just talking... needless to mention... where it leads to...

2 months and 17 days... starting today, we are only friends.  I don't even want to go to the b**** u* word...
Well... at least you didn't carried it further... at least you have a heart.  I feel the pain... who wouldn't...  I'm been left behind again... ha~ blame myself... I don't know what do you want me to think about the reason you gave me... that you are not emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship.  You are not with someone else...  I don't know what to feel about myself.  I just feel... depressed and mixed with other emotions...

Today I tell myself... that I will cry for no man... unless they are dying or dead... but we are dying everyday... so maybe I can cry a little....? It's so hard to hold it back... The rain that pours down suit my feeling tonight.  I want to hide in the rain and cry.  Let my sweetness and our memories melt along with the rain...  I think this is how people turned cold-hearted... cuz their heart had died for so many times, and it refused to be revived again or scared to taste the warmth knowing what may follows...

I'll take my time... I gave myself til the end of this year.  Hopefully by then my pain will wear out silently by itself... it hurts... a lot... a whole lot...

At least... you still like me... [sigh...]

.............

“Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.”-Anonymous

寂寞寂寞就好 - Hebe

 I don't know what should I feel...  But I feel lonely...
==================================
寂寞寂寞就好 - 田馥甄 (Hebe)

詞/曲：施人誠/楊子樸
編曲：鍾興民
製作人：呂禎晃、郭文宗

還是原來那個我 不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去 痛到 受不了 想到 快瘋掉
死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會 笨到 忘不了 賴著 不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你有改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有
早點看破 才看得見以後

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去 痛到 受不了 想到 快瘋掉
死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會 笨到 忘不了 賴著 不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 我總會把你戒掉

uncertainty

I feel suffocated...

Went to mall and saw someone with your similar feature~ maybe what you will look similar to when you loose some weight...  Got me wondering what will it feels if we go shopping together... what will it feels like if we appear together in public as a couple...  My heart beats gets faster... and faster... Deep down, I think I am not good enough for you.  And since apparently you don't love me, I scared that you're only putting up with me... Somewhat I have low self-esteem... Maybe due to my past experience... who says past experience never influences, it certainly does.  I agree with what Angie says about attractiveness in self-confident, and I believe that's one of the reasons why I fell for you.  (oh I need to put that into the list...)  However, I have been thinking and wondering if I am ready to have a family of my own, raise children of my own, and be with someone I deeply love for the rest of my live.  I fantasize, but I can't say that I am ready.  One learn during the process of maintaining a family and raise up children.  Guess I can never say that I am fully ready.  And then I reflect on how little we know about each other.  I know you less than your not-so-close friends. This commitment will be a rather rush one at this stage of relationship.  Though, I really look forward and fantasize my life with you...  And my daydreaming got me carried away for a short while.  But, with those fantasies, day-dreams and the uncertainty I feel... those ain't the main reason for my feeling of suffocation...

The reason is... I don't know what you want.  If your need time to think is to seriously putting into consideration about our relationship, or if you're just slowing letting me go.  I dislike this feeling of uncertainty, rather than the previous mentioned one.  And I dislike my devil haunting me in my mind, luring me towards my negative feeling and low self-esteem.  With the previous mentioned uncertainty, I know I can make things better if I try, but this one is totally up to you... to tell me my destiny with you.  "I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't." - lyric from I Can't Make You Love Me.

Babe... please tell me what you want...  With this uncertainty of your intention, I feel scared.  I feel nervous.  I feel sad.  I... I don't know what feeling I should possess.  But I want you to be happy.  So... please tell me what you want...

[I hope you love me.](...or feel for me, even a slightest bit...)

4 days... "Another Day" - Paramore

It's only been 4 days, since you said that you need time to think... Your confusion cause me to confuse too... I don't know what to think.  I don't know if I should have faith or don't keep up my hope. I don't know what you are thinking.  I don't know what to do...  I'm feeling like a zombie, still no rotten flesh and bad breathe tho.  I feel hollow... as if I am sinking into an endless black hole, don't know where I am going, what I should be doing, what I should be thinking...

Head off to bed now... It proves that mental stress is more dreadful than physical one... worse is that when one is not physical tired... tossing around on bed seems inevitable, and mental stress became worse...  Why am I giving myself stress.....

Anyways, I hope that you are enjoying your September... night my dear.

[The song for me... I'm just waiting and waiting~ and glad that tomorrow may come and there're still chance... to hear from you... and I feel stupid, sad, helpless... but I will just keep waiting, til I hear from you...]
======================================

Another Day - Paramore

And if you're listening, I miss you.
And if you hear me now, I need you.
Where did you go, 'cause you're not gone.
Everyone knows there's something's wrong.
The wires are cut, and I'm alone

I know we're getting closer.
I know you're coming back for me this time.
This time.

And do you ever want me, do you ever need me?
I know that you left before goodbye.
It's okay, there's always another day.
And anytime you want me, anytime you see me
I don't think you meant to say goodbye
But it's okay, there's always another day.

Your voice comes in and now it's fading.
I can't believe this is so frustrating.
'Cause you never seem to understand
And you let me slip straight through your hands
How does it feel to be alone?

I know we're getting closer.
I know you're coming back for me this time.
This time.

And do you ever want me, do you ever need me?
I know that you left before goodbye.
And it's okay, there's always another day.
And anytime you want me, anytime you see me
I don't think you meant to say goodbye.
But it's okay, there's always another day.

If you ever find what you were looking for.
I will be waiting there.
I will be there.

And do you ever want me, do you ever need me?
I know that you left before goodbye.
And it's okay, there's always another day.
And anytime you want me, anytime you see me
I don't think you meant to say goodbye.
But it's okay, there's always another day.

Enjoy every not so worse day~

Today's quote... hum~~ interesting.... then I found out that it's from a lyric... tsk~ = =  Anyhow, here it goes~

=======================================
When You Love Someone ---- by Anita Baker

Were we ever?, did we use it up too fast?
Are great moments never meant to last?
And the last thing that I want
Is to ever make your smile go away

Keep the momeries take the best of what we had
I can't stand to watch what once was great go bad
And if i can't be with you
Then I'd rather just remember what we knew

Chorus
When you love someone
And you love them with your heart
And it does't disappear if you're apart

When you love someone
And you've done all you can do - you've done all you can
When you set them free
And if that love is true
When you love someone
It will all come back to you

Nights i wondered, was i too much that we gave?
If we'd given more could we have both been saved?

And i guess we have crossed the line
Never knowing what was yours
And what was mine

Chorus

And through it all, i still have no regrets
Just promise me - promise me
You never will forget - you never will forget

When you love someone
And you have done all you can do
And you set them free and if that love is true
If you love someone, it will all come back to you
==================================

I wander how it sounds...... but anyways... will find that out later~
(OK this happen to be an old song~ and hum~ not the style you like maybe... but the vocal is beautiful~)

If one day, you ask why am I doing this... I will say~ "Because you don't love me, so you're free to look around, take chances in your life.  Because I love you, so I decide to wait for your answer.  It's my choice of my life."  ..... Babe, no regrets really...  Even if everything will start over, I will do the same thing I did.  I'm glad that I met you... and that you were a part of my life... well, you still are, until you decide to quit on us...


As I said... it can't get worse... so I should be content with every not so worse day~ =)


Big thanks to Angie too~ you're always there to comfort me or hit me on the head~  Thanks my best best friend~

Mute

I just saw your blog update for Monday, after a long while.  You hint nothing of my present.  Surprisingly I'm not crying.  Well ya, I am working but I'm not holding back any tear...  Guess I isolate my feeling from that part for now.  I refuse to recognize any thought that can make me cry.  I'm trying to be strong and cold... (why does cold goes with strong... = =")...  Anyways, I'm numbing all my feelings now...  Hope it last for a while~  So, for the mean while, I will be like... in almost zombie mode... my heart literally feel numb... like... goose bump all over it and can't feel its present.

Many hurtful things I knew already.  They just finally come to me face-to-face.  Guess I'm a little more prepared than I thought I am, in regards with handing the feeling.  I mute out every emotions, happy thoughts, sweet memories, sad reality, passion, pain, and so on, just wonder how long I can hold back the eruption of my bloody volcano of feelings...  Hopefully I will be alone when that happens...

I don't have a heart.  My heart is with you.  And I seek love no more.


[I feel cold...]

All I Wanted - Paramore

 [As I dwell in the thoughts of you~ I sang the chorus to myself unconsciously... over and over]

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame i'm a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs?
That escaped from the mouth

Oh-Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

It's all for the better

I guess it's all for the better... ... than the stagnant situation now... it's better to face it now...  It's all for the better... I keep on telling myself

You said that you need time to think it through... sort out your confused feeling...
What can I say...  I can only support you... cuz it'll be a problem if we don't ever face it...  I've run away from it like a coward... I should thank you to take the initiative to solve it... cuz I'm afraid to face it...
You said I'm too kind... no I'm not... I just prefer... to trust in your decision... that you know what you want...
When you tell me, I wasn't really shocked.  My only thought was... I want you to be happy, so go make up your mind...  Though I thought my happiness is to be with you, but if I know you are happy, then maybe I can be happy too...  happy for you.
I didn't bawl... Just shed a few tears... merely imaging the slightest of what may come next, is unbearable... (I have a tendency of imaging the worse, so not to keep my hope up) So I didn't set my mind to think of it.  I need to keep be positive... I need to think positive.... positive~~

If the decision is not favorable, then I'm just back to square one... back to before you contacted me in July... Will just start from there again~ A life without you... a life with no body.
If the decision is favorable, then all the better... by then I wont have to worry about what is haunting me now... and I will have you by my side... so... it can't get worse... the situation we are in now is worst.... Can't get worse... Can't get worse...

And babe, it's too late to not hurt to my feelings... cuz it had been hurt... even before this... Since the day we met.... when you block me off from everything...

So do whatever you want to do... I think it will all get better~ Although I do hope for a favorable response... But just let whatever may come come...  so I can keep moving on in live, with or without you.

However, I am still thankful... that I have you in my life... and I hope to have more time to spend with you...


[just tell me...]

Only if word can express it

I've been missing you.  I don't hear from you, you vanished... Or do you count last week Thursday's smile as an interaction.  If so, it's not even a week yet right...  So it should be ok right...?  I miss you.  I miss you texting me.  I miss you talking to me... I..... only if word can express my feeling.  But with my little vocab, I don't think it's possible except those words.... Simply saying, I just want to feel your present in my life.... but that is something I want right, not necessary what you want...

What do you want from me?  What do you want from this relationship?  What do you want to lead me to?


Is there any other things I can tell you than I miss you?  What can I tell you when we barely have interaction recently...?  I want to tell you about my bruises, I want you to comfort me.  I want to tell you about my period, I want you to show me concern.  I want to tell you about my progress of animation, I want to share you passion in it.  I want to find what what you like or what you need for Christmas, but you seems to have everything you want.  I want... I want... I want... All of these are "I want"... where is "you want"....?  Am I being selfish?  What do you want...?  What can I give you apart from your space...?  Are you really happy when you're with me...?  How can I give you the happiness that I want you to have... What can I do...?

Please be happy, babe... I want you to be happy...  Are you ok at the moment?...

World is not helping me to miss you less

This morning~ I went to City for Angie's class...  It seems that the day was to remind me about you, despite the fact that I'm trying to hold it back.  Try not to miss you too much... I used to love to miss you a lot, cuz it bring back the sweet memories.  But  now I found out that it just tells me how much time I've been with your absence.  I miss you cuz you aint here.  I miss you very often because you are usually not around.  It's a killer...

Starting this morning, my last memory from my dream was that you call for me.  Not literally as call on the phone or something, not even text~ but through some unknown media, I knew you call for me, as in tell me to go to you.  To get out from the house was a rush, and I left my cellphone home.  I feel insecure to be without it.  What if you really called for me, what if you text me?  Then I try to comfort myself, that it should be okay even if you don't find me.  Just like how it's hard for me to find you.  With that effort to supress the feeling, I went to my normal on-the-transportatoin sleep.  Reached City, got on the new car that a taxi friend has.  Well, this taxi friend reminded me of you a lot, even before you contact me again at July...  He is chubby like you.  He has curl long hair like you used to.  And then I found out today that even the fragrant he put in his taxi, is similar to your strawberry scent...  And how he called me to get into the car just like you, cuz I couldn't recognize his new taxi.  Urgh!! I miss you so much!!!  Why does everything have to remind me of you!!!  And then on my way back, I passed by the road where you showed me where you used to live.  And I'm in City, so near so near to you.  GAHHHH~~~  Why do I kept thinking about you!!!!  Angie got a phone call from Edward from England, should say calls cuz it wasn't getting through well.  I wish... I wish... I can get a call from right here in Belize, or even a short text...

When I reach home.  Nada on my cellphone.

This entire afternoon, I feel sad.  Maybe because my period that just came today got me emotional, and the period pain just got it worse.  It sucks...  I don't like taking pain killer, but was thinking to take.  Then I thought, people take pain killer to alleviate pain, physical pain.  How about mental or emotional pain.  Is that why people take drugs?  To run away or hide from those pain that pain killer cannot take care of?  I lay down on the bed and just wondered my mind off...  I feel lost.

As I typed this, I wander if you're still alive.  Maybe the dream was trying to sense something to me.  I always have wild imagination I know.  And I always think of the worse possibilities I can think of.  And since there is no way to know if you are ok, and you aint reply my text.  (WHAT ON THE WORLD IS THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP!!!!?)  So I sneak in and saw that you just update your profile photo 3 hours ago... I think that is good then.  I feel ease.  STUPID!  At least you are still alive.

You put that your favorite quote is: "The worst feeling is not being alone, it's being forgotten by someone you can never forget.".... I feel as if you had forgotten me... maybe you did...


I hope my giving-you-your-space wont be a reason for your ignoring me.

Yet sometimes I feel that you are very childish... you are a kid at heart, I like that~ but the way how you treat me and this relationship... irresponsible and childish...  I manage to pull myself out of the scenario sometime, look at it coldly and make a laugh about it.  But most of the time... I'm still helplessly dwell in my feeling for you.  That stubborn feeling I have for you can kill me thousand times like a double-sided blade sword.  I move on regardless...  My sanity punish myself yet I still move on, in some way.  Feeling pissed off now, better let me proceed no more and dwell myself in animation again.  As I said, if I dwell in their world, I will loose focus on my emotions of the real world.

99.9.9

Today is the 9th of September, the 9th month.  This year is the 99th year for Taiwan.  So, to Taiwanese it's 99.9.9~ 9 sound the same to the word "long"... The day suggest a full length, and very long.  It is one of a life time thing, I will say, cuz, I wont live for another 900 years to see 999.9.9~ or a next few thousand years to see 9999.9.9~ and I wander about 2099.9.9~ ha = =... So ya, ppl in Taiwan take today as an extra valentine, and they greet their love ones, hoping their relationship will last forever long.  After all, I think it's what ppl really in love hope for.  I hope for ours too, to last long... to last forever long....

So I send you a 3-pages text to tell you about this, sorry for sending long text~ and tell you that I really miss you a lot and hope that you wont take too long to let me find you again.  You did reply with a smiling face tho... That's good enough...  At least you replied... that means that you're still alive... that means that at least you do care about me, even for a lil~  That's good enough...=)

Am glad that at this so-called special day, I have someone to greet, to think of, and to send a virtual kiss, thanks to you, Sweety.  Babe, with all these things you put me through on your absent, I can really realize how much I feel for you.  I can't wait to see you again, but I can only wait...  I think I do love you...  What do you think?  (hum... talking about that... what have I done to love you???)

 ============================

Last night, chatted a little with a friend in Taiwan.  She reminded me of that 99.9.9 and asked how is my love life.  Well, I told her that I'm in a relationship and will see how it works out~  I told her that you, my dear, is a Belizean, not a Taiwanese.  Somehow she kept on saying that she can introduce some good boys to me~ and that this cousin of one of her good friend is a good person~ looks good and treat girls well~ and his family~ and bla bla bla right off..... she even offer to get picture for me~~ Ah~ It got me angry... = =+  I'm in a relationship and I think that suggest that I hope this can last~ what's up with this suggesting whomever.  I know it's with good intention from her, but just not appropriate.  Don't have any intention of meeting whomever, except the one in my heart.  Then I realize and can really tell myself that I don't want anyone else but you~  I ONLY WANT YOU!  Downright stubborn too~

Nice quotes

Been very busy lately, yet I still miss you so much.  So want to fly over to give you a hug, get mad on why you ignore me for so long, and ask for a good kiss for compensation...  I just miss you.  I just do...  Even when you don't reply my text... I just do miss you, in my busy loneliness.

Look up for a quote and end up with a ton I like!!!  Let me thought about you...


"Love Is the Irresistible Desire to be Irresistibly Desired." -Mark Twain
[I want to be irresistibly desired by you. I want you to want me!!]

=======================================

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” - Mother Teresa
[I already feel the hurts, so does that means love will come now?]

=======================================

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
[I so admire this... gosh~~ all in all~ so far I got a kiss on my forehead~ the rest... ha... = =]

=======================================

"I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you... " by Roy Croft
[I love you...]

=========================

“Freedom lies in being bold.” Robert Frost quotes (American poet, 1874-1963)
[So to be with you, I need to be bold.... ya]

=======================================

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
[Am taking my risk~~]

=======================================

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.” Robert Frost quotes (American poet, 1874-1963)

=======================================

And it goes on and on.....
I MISS YOU NOW!!!!  Let me end this entry right here...

Faith in you

Wonder if it is true,
that the older you gets, the less fairytales happen to you.
Wonder when will dreams come true,
while pursuit of happiness never seems to conclude.
Yet I will be bold and faithful.
That if with good will I followed through,
A wonderland that I have dream of,
fate will lead me to.

I will have faith, in you.

sigh...

Feel sad.... but I am trying to deal with it now...
Apparently, you do block me off from FB, don't ask me why I find out... = =  There is nothing that cannot be find out, unless you don't do it, so ppl say...  Sigh~ I feel kinda hurt, that you block me away, from basically everything.  But maybe then I can focus more on myself, and not on you...  And I don't think it's a good idea to confront you, cuz it wont lead to good ending anyways.

When one is in love, one is vulnerable.  Yet I prefer to be vulnerable and even been hurt, than to never love... So, I guess I am still on a right path, with what I would decide to do, if I knew this would happen.

If fate allows me to choose again, I will still decide to love you.  So there is nothing I should regret.  And since there is nothing else I will do, guess I my only option is to follow my heart, and hope for a happy ending.

I know you don't love me.... you just keep me there... so what... I can only comfort myself that... I'm able to be here.  And, I have enough space to live a normal life.... I should be thankful anyhow~  However, maybe I will shed a tear or two on my pillow... commemorate the innocent that had left me... I hate pretending that everything is ok... I hate to pretend that I don't know about it, so you wont look bad...  Just let it be this way~  After all, I'm not your concern... I can live well like this.  Even when I get hurt, I'm usually able to squeeze out a smile or two... so that I can really feel pathetic of myself...  So I can laugh at myself... So I can try to be ok, even when I'm not...  So I can go with what I want to do, even I know that there is a great chance that I would get hurt in the end, and that is loving you...

I love you~ aint gonna change it.... at least before you don't want me to...

Daydreaming

You're working in City today~ Setting up something you said, and is very busy~
Good to be busy babe~ ^^  And men concentrating or working hard looks attractive, so do women I think.  But I'm glad that you did reply my text~ lol~

I wear a shirt today where the place you gave me that hicky can easily be seen.  But it had fade away, just left a little little darker shade that ppl cannot recognize.  But I can, cuz I know it was there.  Wish I can see you soon... and maybe get another one that last for another week~

I put on my twitter "Wish I can receive you back from work in a place call our home~ In our home, your kingdom, I'll be your little woman. *I'm daydreaming."  I'm really daydream~ and about you~  Kinda got me absent minded sometimes~ like last time where my bathing routine totally totally went wrong, and my yesterday's body-wash-on-my-hair incident...  And even when I'm riding home or to work.  Time goes fast when I thought about you.  Glad that I hadn't forgot to check if there are cars coming before crossing the road... I wont want you to see me in hospital~ cuz it ain't gonna be fun~

I saw Angie posted up her reasons why she loves her Edward.  Look like she can easily come up with a lot.  Well, they've been together for 6 years.  Guess I need to spend more time with you to continue listing it...  Ah~ I envy, should say admire, their love~ hum~ they have time as foundation.  Hope our one last long long~~~ I want to be with you.  I want to cook for you.  I want to sleep beside you.  I want to have your baby(ies). (ey~ will you accompany me when I'm giving birth? hum... I am thinking too much already... = =)  I want to see you almost everyday.  I even want to iron your clothes.  I want to prepare a lil snack for you when you're up late playing game.... Jeez..... I'm never a fan for house chores, but it just seems sweet if I can do those things for you.  (But I think I wa get lazy after a while if I really got a chance to do it... er.... Just to tell the truth right~ unless I find a way to keep those chores interesting... We'll see... if I'm fortunate enough to~)


Oh ya~ I love you. ^3^

51 Reasons (and counting)

I love your smile, the way how the corners of your lips curve up.
I love your eyes, they trapped me.
I love your pointed nose, European feeling nose~ lol
I love your accent, it sounds sexy.
I love your smell, smells like strawberry to my nose.
I love how you made I feel alive.
I love how you made my heart beats speed up.
I love how you look, big or not.  Just attracts me
I love how you talk and make jokes.  Try to bring up a lil debate with me.
I love how you laugh.
I love how you talk straight forward.
I love how you kiss me, and all the fun things happen between our lips, teeth, and tongues.
I love how you hold my face in your hands and kiss me carefully, even on my forehead. Made me feel loved.
I love how you hug me.
I love how you bear-hug me and lift me off from the ground.
I love how you hug me on the sofa, I can fit perfectly in your arm.
I love how you hold my hand, with fingers entwine together.
I love how you look when driving.
I love how you get food from my plate with your fingers. Childish little behaviors yet cute.
I love how you hug me from the back, resting your head on my back.
I love how you close your eyes when thinking, while you are talking, moving your hands.
I love how you say that I'm yours.
I love how happy you look when you were playing game.
I love how you look when you're concentrating.
I love how you look down/up at me, eyes to eyes.  I sink into them.
I love how you write on your blog.
I love how you flirt with me.  Gets me hot.
I love how you call me your baby.
I love how you made me laugh.
I love how you explained to me when we watch movies together, you didn't spoil the movie.
I love how you drop by when you got a chance to.  And I keep your little note too.
I love how you give me hicky when I asked for it.  ^///^
I love that you let me find love again.
I love that you remember my name.
I love that you have brain. (smart boy)
I love that you love your family.
I love that you love your dogs.
I love that you don't drink.  Cuz I don't like the smell and its effect on many ppl.
I love that you quit smoking.  Cuz I really don't like the smell...
I love that you prefer to stay home.  Cuz I stay home too.
I love that you have a steady job.
I love that you want to have your own family and settle down.
I love to kiss you.
I love to think/daydream about you.
I love to text you, and get text from you.
I love to hear your voice.
I love to hug you.
I love to just admire you.
I love to just stay by your side.
I love the idea that we're together.
I love when every time I think about you, I love you more, hopelessly.

Most importanly, I love you.