uncertainty

I feel suffocated...

Went to mall and saw someone with your similar feature~ maybe what you will look similar to when you loose some weight...  Got me wondering what will it feels if we go shopping together... what will it feels like if we appear together in public as a couple...  My heart beats gets faster... and faster... Deep down, I think I am not good enough for you.  And since apparently you don't love me, I scared that you're only putting up with me... Somewhat I have low self-esteem... Maybe due to my past experience... who says past experience never influences, it certainly does.  I agree with what Angie says about attractiveness in self-confident, and I believe that's one of the reasons why I fell for you.  (oh I need to put that into the list...)  However, I have been thinking and wondering if I am ready to have a family of my own, raise children of my own, and be with someone I deeply love for the rest of my live.  I fantasize, but I can't say that I am ready.  One learn during the process of maintaining a family and raise up children.  Guess I can never say that I am fully ready.  And then I reflect on how little we know about each other.  I know you less than your not-so-close friends. This commitment will be a rather rush one at this stage of relationship.  Though, I really look forward and fantasize my life with you...  And my daydreaming got me carried away for a short while.  But, with those fantasies, day-dreams and the uncertainty I feel... those ain't the main reason for my feeling of suffocation...

The reason is... I don't know what you want.  If your need time to think is to seriously putting into consideration about our relationship, or if you're just slowing letting me go.  I dislike this feeling of uncertainty, rather than the previous mentioned one.  And I dislike my devil haunting me in my mind, luring me towards my negative feeling and low self-esteem.  With the previous mentioned uncertainty, I know I can make things better if I try, but this one is totally up to you... to tell me my destiny with you.  "I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't." - lyric from I Can't Make You Love Me.

Babe... please tell me what you want...  With this uncertainty of your intention, I feel scared.  I feel nervous.  I feel sad.  I... I don't know what feeling I should possess.  But I want you to be happy.  So... please tell me what you want...

[I hope you love me.](...or feel for me, even a slightest bit...)