Mute

I just saw your blog update for Monday, after a long while.  You hint nothing of my present.  Surprisingly I'm not crying.  Well ya, I am working but I'm not holding back any tear...  Guess I isolate my feeling from that part for now.  I refuse to recognize any thought that can make me cry.  I'm trying to be strong and cold... (why does cold goes with strong... = =")...  Anyways, I'm numbing all my feelings now...  Hope it last for a while~  So, for the mean while, I will be like... in almost zombie mode... my heart literally feel numb... like... goose bump all over it and can't feel its present.

Many hurtful things I knew already.  They just finally come to me face-to-face.  Guess I'm a little more prepared than I thought I am, in regards with handing the feeling.  I mute out every emotions, happy thoughts, sweet memories, sad reality, passion, pain, and so on, just wonder how long I can hold back the eruption of my bloody volcano of feelings...  Hopefully I will be alone when that happens...

I don't have a heart.  My heart is with you.  And I seek love no more.


[I feel cold...]