It hurts...
It hurts to not allowing myself to feel the pain I have hidden...
It hurts to know that I had mask my feeling and run away from it... just so that those around me wont be worrying.
I force back my tears, though some slipped through... My heart is like a bomb now... Don't push further.
I wish I can have a day off from the mask... and cry my guts out til I got lost of myself and don't need to answer any question why I'd do that... I want to get tears wasted...
......
I dreamt about you this morning. That we two got engaged and you gave me a purple ear-ring. Yes one ear-ring... I woke up this morning... have that feeling that something will happen today... I forgot my cell-phone home. The day went through quite ok. I even drew us when I was bored in a meeting... Somehow I have a good feeling... even without my cellphone. Get back home almost 6. One missed called and one unread message. The message was from you. Got me excited as I open the text. I changed my cloth, realized afterward that it made the same suit when I return from our first date. the conversation leads to a rather serious one... No arguing, just talking... needless to mention... where it leads to...
2 months and 17 days... starting today, we are only friends. I don't even want to go to the b**** u* word...
Well... at least you didn't carried it further... at least you have a heart. I feel the pain... who wouldn't... I'm been left behind again... ha~ blame myself... I don't know what do you want me to think about the reason you gave me... that you are not emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. You are not with someone else... I don't know what to feel about myself. I just feel... depressed and mixed with other emotions...
Today I tell myself... that I will cry for no man... unless they are dying or dead... but we are dying everyday... so maybe I can cry a little....? It's so hard to hold it back... The rain that pours down suit my feeling tonight. I want to hide in the rain and cry. Let my sweetness and our memories melt along with the rain... I think this is how people turned cold-hearted... cuz their heart had died for so many times, and it refused to be revived again or scared to taste the warmth knowing what may follows...
I'll take my time... I gave myself til the end of this year. Hopefully by then my pain will wear out silently by itself... it hurts... a lot... a whole lot...
At least... you still like me... [sigh...]
.............
“Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.”-Anonymous
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