Obsessiveness

So yes, I am obsessive... unhealthily... maybe I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? = = maybe I do have...

When I'm calmed down, I got to digest what you meant and see your point, I feel bad.  Why do this little incident cause me to react so big?  Is it merely because that I was tired?  or does it means that I have so much inside of me that was pressed and exploded at the same time.  Even now, I can still feel it.  Then it bring back my conversation with dad last night.  Can you make me happy?  You seems to be carefree about life.  You do what you want, as you said.  I don't see why not.  But, do you care about me enough to make me happy or want to make me happy?  I don't know, not yet.

Well... think of the bright side, at least we communicated, although you kinda end it with a shout...  Just like my brother... usually ends argument with a shout... sigh... At least you told me what you didn't like, so that I can improve... What can I improve about my obsessiveness?  I can feel Muramasa's obsession to Kouga, unhealthy one but to be honest, facinating to me.  Ppl will say he is crazy and I know cuz I am crazy too...  Cuz to Muramasa, Kouga is everything, and to me, you are almost everything.  That is when I am focusing my mind at you, I dig a hole bigger than I can climb out, then I jumped in.  Totally not healthy.  And SCARY, CREEPY, TERRIBLE.  I don't want to be like that... I want to love you, I want you to like what I do for you, I don't want you to feel that about me.  Is this another obsession?

What can I do... Someone tell me... I don't want to press it, cuz it aint helping.  Maybe I should just love you less, as if I can.  I should live back my normal life... then maybe you'll like me more when I pay less attention on you.  Cuz you can't handle it, and I can't handle it.  The obsession I have... I have to let it go and get myself cure. 

I desire you, to a very great extend... But pressuring my desire for you doesn't help.  I can hold it for a week, a month, but I cannot hold it forever as it will only built up too much for me.  Babe... I have to mentally let you go... let go my desire for you... let go my desire of desiring your present... let go my desire of wanting to be with you so much... I have to let go my stubborn thoughts....  I think God send you to me, for me to face this problem in me.  I have to be thankful... and realize the me right now cannot offer you the happiness I wish you to have... I have to get better... get better at letting go.  Not the feeling for you, but the way I love you... and the intensity of desiring you.  I am not Muramasa.  You are not Kouga.  We have our separate life... My life does not depend on you...  I have to wake up... and do what I need to do... I can do it... I can do it... my "self-diagonized" OCD is a minor one... although it influences me greatly, I can overcome it...

[Betty, go with the flow.][Remember... You are you.  I am me.]
I will start to care less, until it becomes natural to me... perhaps by then I wont be that obsessive...