I thought I'll have a lot of explanations, sorrow, cries, anger, and all sort of emotional expressions in this blog entry. Maybe I would if I did it last week... or few days ago... But hate is never on the list of my emotions. I can't hate the one I once loved. Nor can I simply be friends with them. Guess I'm really bad at relationship status transition. I just don't know how to act or talk knowing we shared special moments, which is now only the memories once have. Think I need to go through more years before I can learn and do it without that sad feeling inside. Every time when this happen to me, it's like a hell. (so how many times had I been in hell??)
Friday, August 26, 2011 is a day with good weather, big bright sun and my boss and I was on a campus visit to Central Farm. After the campus tour, started the meeting, and I am suppose to record decisions made in the meeting. Suddenly, my sky started to rain cats and dogs with thunder storm. So much for that decision recording... I had to hide in the bathroom several times before I pick back up myself. My world is never the same. (In fact, my world is always changing, but anyways...) Yes, I had to bottle up everything, tho some still leaked out... I waited until I reached home after work, until I locked myself in my own room, to let out the water generated by that thunder storm. Yet I still made to a class that night with my iced swollen eyes. Bravo for me. I must looked really tired from "work".
A lot of thoughts passed by my mind throughout this entire time, and I know more will come. It'd be easier for me to just clear them out as I write them down. But how if I don't want to recall them... (stupid! just delete them! yea maybe I might do that...) After all, nothing will change what happened, and it wont influence much on what is going to happen. This relationship failed, not solely because of me, but because of us and how we interacted. Somehow I feel relieved but a bit sadden when I realize that. We just didn't interact in the best way... I know all of these feeling will pass one day. Bad flu will get cured. Bad wound will get healed. So I look forward for that life has for me, good or bad. This is a blessing in disguise. I just have to remain positive as I try to heal my wound while I move on. I hope for bright future, I know I deserve it, and I have to work towards it.
As for the one I once loved. I pray that he'll find the perfect woman for him, one that can makes him truly happy, treats him well, loves him dearly, and share many more feelings together. And also good fortune in life. There is no sarcasm in this part, which most people may feel impossible. But I just wish him well, and better and better.
Good-bye... my once love. I know I can do better in life, even without you. I'll be stronger.
[People come and go in life. I can't hold someone who wishes to leave. I can't stop someone who wishes to come. But I can decide how I want to deal with everything around me.]
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