Today... I found my courage to draw a full stop...  I don't know if it meant much for the others, but it meant a lot to me... It's hard, so very hard to let go someone once loved so much.  They say time can cure all, and I've been through that, so I know this heart breaking feeling will go away one day... and I look forward for the day that it never return again... maybe after I died?

But it's good to find courage...  Like I finally achieve something...  Tho I'm never a strong person, and I hate been hurt... but it's good to know that I am growing...

Yet

Life always have a way to slap your face a time or two... or three.  I thought we will never meet.  After all, we've never accidentally meet each other while we were together... never know this will happen right after I draw my full stop.


I was firstly surprise to see you...  I don't know what to react and my mind went blank...  Guess it was a bit awkward.  Yet awkward is sometimes normal, after what had went through.

At least you are alive, and looking fine as usual, I thought... and then I can't stop my tears from falling through the cracks of my heart into the eyes that I've cried over you earlier...  I thought I am stronger.  I thought I am fine too.  I thought I will never see you again.  It caught me at sudden...  And it just smashed on something that had just shattered, now into dust.  This is so cruel...

It's therapeutic to write... yet my head hurts so much that it feels like bursting...

I've cried this hard for you for so many times, guess it's enough.  If I owed you a liter of tears, I guess I've paid my debt with interest.  And I am tired of crying for you...  I will stop soon.  And I hope that I don't need to cry over someone else...


I gotta be strong... tho I never want to have to...

I will find my someone someday... and even if not, it's better than stay with the wrong one...  Yes, you happen to prove yourself the wrong one...


Babe... I loved you so much...  but now I can only smile to you like a stranger...  or else my tears will fall again.  Maybe I'm a coward or maybe I just don't want to get hurt over something that had been done.  I don't even want to hear a reason, if there is any, because knowing that won't change the result.  And you seems not to bother about it... I guess that's it...

I loved you.  But I know, you've never loved me, so... you had to go...

I love myself... and I know, you don't love me, so... I am moving on...

It's easier said than done...  maybe that's why my I feel so hurt now...
But I know one day, I will share happier moments with someone else... and my feeling for you will be hidden so deeply, that I wont even remember to feel it...  By then, I forget about you...
or... I'll enjoy my single life as never before.


Until then, maybe I can put up a real smile when we meet again...  or maybe it's better if we don't ever meet again...



[Can I cut out my senses and never wake up?]



........... Geez... My eyes are so going to swell up tomorrow... and I am going to City to get a pair of new eyeglass...  I hope this wont influence my prescription of my lens... Stupid love.